Many of the great pieces of art, literature and cinema boast plot-lines driven by their protagonist's deep desires and inner conflicts - from the complicated Hamlet, through to the tragedy of Orson Welles in Citizen Kane, we see the vaulting ambition of the human soul propel us through profound and labyrinthine narratives to expose deeper truths about existence and life. Blue, however, is a film about a man who really wants treasure.

   Anthony D'Souza's "underwater action thriller" is one of the most lavishly expensive Bollywood movies of all time, although it is crystal clear that little of the money spent went on script development, cinematography, a skilled editor or indeed any crew who were interested in making a decent film. Star names, ranging from Sanjay Dutt all the way through to Kylie Minogue who performs a Bollywood song and dance sequence, are all wheeled out for this feature based loosely on the not particularly well-regarded Hollywood movie Into The Blue. To state that this feature is a sub-par version of its Hollywood inspiration is both accurate and a sad indictment of this film which may well be the worst mainstream Indian movie from the twenty first century.

   At this point in a review I would normally try and flesh out my thoughts with a quick overview of the plot and various narrative developments but to do so here would be pointless. It's about three men who go looking for treasure under-water and there's little more that can be said. I can't write what doesn't exist. There's a sequence on a motorbike where D'Souza cuts so rapidly between shots of the bike's rider, its tires and the road ahead that it feels like a strobe lighting assault that even Gaspar Noe would balk at. The sequence continues for what feels like months; Blue accidentally becomes an alienating art-house film attempting to push the audience to the physical limits. It is, however, the best part of the movie - at least I felt sick rather than nauseatingly bored during this sequence.

   To put it bluntly, Blue is not a movie that should be watched by anyone. In a world where people struggle to find money to eat enough food, the wastefulness of this vapid film is offensive. I'd much rather movies like this didn't exist.