Film Review: Life-Size*

   As a semi-regular new feature, I'll be posting my thoughts on obscure movies I've located in second hand or pound shops. The first such DVD, discovered in a Cat Rescue charity store in Keighley, stars a very young Lindsay Lohan opposite America's Next Top Model's Tyra Banks in a motion picture which describes itself as "heartwarming and lots of fun". Then again it would say that. But, objectively, could this made-for-TV Disney release really be worth the £1.50 I spent on it?* 

   In a stunning piece of bravura journalism - for which I hope to win a Pulitzer or greater - I sat down to watch a movie starring Tyra Banks who portrays a fashion doll brought to life.

   I suggest it's safe to say that Life-Size is not a movie based on a true story.

   Lindsay Lohan stars as Casey - a Tomboy who is her high school football team's star quarter-back. She uses sport to hide the pain stemming from her mother's passing away.

   In many ways Casey acts in a manner I can imagine all young bereaved girls would do - in between moping she manages to locate a book on resurrecting the dead, plotting to use this witchcraft to re-animate her mother's presumable rotting corpse.

   A cosmic mix-up understandably causes the black magic to fail and, instead, animates (and enlarges to human proportions) Casey's Barbie-esque "Eve" doll.

   When Casey awakes to find Tyra Banks in her bed the following morning, she's upset but it's not long before the vapid Eve is charming everyone in the young girl's life. By "everyone" I mean "mainly the men". For the course of the film's running time we see an afraid young girl come to terms with profound loss by watching an inflated plastic doll with the body of a supermodel attract amorous attention from all who meet her including, of course, Casey's Dad. If there is a moral to be gleaned here, I'm not entirely sure what it is.

   * It is my fondness for purchasing DVDs like this, which my other half has just described as "crap", that has led to the house being overflowing with films, games and a whole load of bric-a-brac which the objective eye would refer to as junk. Having recently sold all of my CDs to Music Magpie (to clear space which has ultimately been filled with the likes of this), it would be wise of me to take them up on some more of their services which include wholesale purchases of unwanted games , clothes and DVDs.


  1. I couldn't be more enticed by this review. I feel like I should pop down to the library and rent a copy as soon as!

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  2. You are looking gorgeous in this stuff.

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